Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
