now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
