i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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