You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
