i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
