Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
