Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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