is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
