if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
