I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
