I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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