My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
