I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
