I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Mom said you looked used
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
