The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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