he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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