these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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