what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
