she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
