He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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