Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
