i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
