Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
