I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
