No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
