Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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