considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
