Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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