She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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