Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
