She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
