Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
