Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
