Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
