mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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