I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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