this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize