My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
