wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And then he peed in my hair
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