FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
