Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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