PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
