two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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