Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
