idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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