I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
