From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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