im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
