I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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