so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
