im about as happy as oj after his trial
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
