how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
