Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
