No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
