I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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