yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
