Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
