I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
time to smoke my breakfast
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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