It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
