census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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