Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
