well you can't waste a boner
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
