it hurts more in the daytime
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
