don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
