I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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