Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
