he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
