he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
