You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
