did you get engaged???
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
