i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
