i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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