she woke up with a sticky ear
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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