his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
