his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
